Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
