i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
