he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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