god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
