When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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