Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
