Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
