She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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