Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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