someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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