I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
