love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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