at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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