I am puke
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
