he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
