i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As shirtless as possible
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you made out with another girl for some wings
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
