Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
