3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
