I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
