So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
