There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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