I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
