Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
