my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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