How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
