My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
