I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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