WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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