Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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