I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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