remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
