at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
