Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
