I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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