I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
