My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
