Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
