i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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