Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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