he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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