I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
