Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
