I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
