Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
