idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
