I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
