Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
