Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
