I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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