i think my mom watched the whole time
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
