Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
