I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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