i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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