Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
