Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
