Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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