I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
