I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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