There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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