remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
