Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
