On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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