Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
