my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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