and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize