Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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