i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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