idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
