it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
