K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
